Prosper, Prosper, Just Prosper,
are the words that continues to echo through my head as I sit across from my client. I can feel and see the hurt, frustration, pain, and tiredness within. However, instead of saying or doing some meditation or relaxation technique, the only thing that I can do is look her in her eyes and say, “Prosper,” in a soft, genuine, low-key voice. You see, I need this to resonate with you. I need this to get past your conscious mind, I need this to get to your soul, your unconscious side. I need you to know that you can prosper. So, I look into her eyes again and say, “Prosper, Just Prosper Quetta.” You see this time the table is flipped. I’m my own client looking into a mirror, encouraging myself that I can make it. I can do this. God wouldn’t have brought me to this if he wasn’t going to take me through it.
“Prosper, Just Prosper.”
Let it resonate with you. Hear it, take it in, feel it, see it, and do it. Move, get up, and pick yourself up. So many times, we may find ourselves in situations that you don’t want to be in. You want more, need more, but can’t see more, can’t understand how to reach more. Well, it begins in the mind. You are an over-comer. This is something you must know, you must feel. You have the strength to do or accomplish any and everything that you want. Don’t blame, stop blaming others for your current situation. Things may have happened and due to circumstance, you are in a mess. However, at the end of the day the only person that can keep you in a permanent situation is you.
Dig deep, reach down, pull with all your might, and move, prosper, fight. It’s not time to give up yet. “Prosper!” “Just Prosper.” I need you to Prosper. You need you to prosper.
why do I keep running into this burning building. I know it’s hot, I know it’s dangerous, and it’s pure insanity. Every time I run in I get hurt, I feel betrayed, I lose love, I am along. At this point my mind is in a severely disordered state of mind (Merriam-Webster Dictionary). I’m lost. I keep running back into this fire because I’m trying to fill a void. I feel empty, hollow. If I turn to drugs, alcohol, or people, I can pretend for a little while that I’m secure, the void is gone, I’m not lost, I do have it together and I’m not losing control. I can’t keep running into this building. At some point it’s going to fall on me. I’m tired of these sores. I wake up, and hate I ran into the fire, it burned. It continues to burn worse each time I go in. This time it cost me my freedom, next time it may cost me my life.
I’m tired, I can’t keep running. I’m done but I don’t know how to stop running into the fire. I’m surrounded by fire; negative talk, negative actions, negative thoughts. Heck, “I can’t see the forest for the trees,” Nicholas Sparks. I can’t see the rainbow in the mist of all this rain, but I want to so bad. All I have is this little book some old man gave me on a store parking lot, The New Testament. So, I guess I’ll flip through it. Well, check this out,
Success, according to Webster’s dictionary, is degree or measure of succeeding, favorable or desired outcome; also, the attainment of wealth, favor, or eminence. So, the bible says, “So a man thinketh so is he.” Proverbs 23:7 part A. Also, James Allen wrote a book As a Man Thinketh, this is a very good book to read to begin transforming your mind to living a rich and healthy life. You see everyone at some point think about success, some for a moment and others their entire life. So, I figured it out.
I Figured It Out
First, I had to know the definition of Success, but not what others think of me and not what others think success is. As I look at my life as an outward person looking in, I look successful. I have a great home, lovely job, and I have it together. The only thing, I myself, still want more. Therefore, in my own eyes I am not successful, but on the road to becoming successful. After listening to Les Brown, a motivational speaker, I realized “when you stop dreaming, you stop living.” Guys quite frankly, for me, I feel that I just started living, there’s so much more that Yah, (God- Ps 68: 4) has in store for me. I am outgrowing my beautiful home, my great job, my life as everyone looking in has seen it. I am now beginning to live, to enjoy my life, to make moves in a different direction than before. I am beginning to become what YHWH always had in store for me. I am becoming the word itself, “I am success, not a success.” I leave this with you: You Become What You Think therefore start thinking a more excellent way. 1 Corinthians 12:31.
So, I figured out how to reach my clients, spirit to spirit. Yes, spirit to spirit. I don’t know how many of you believe in God and that’s ok, but just hear me out before you dismiss me. Counseling 101 teaches us to be congruent and empathic with our clients. So how can we do that if we don’t listen to what they are saying and try to force them to where we think they should be? Right you can’t effectively. So, I learned that once you do decide to listen empathically to your clients you’re listening to their spirit. Your listening to their soul that Is crying out for help. That negative energy, vibe, or character flaw that some people call it, is what I call a form of spirit or negative energy. A spirit, in most cases, that one is trying to get rid of. Galatians chapter 6:1 in the bible says, “Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such a one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.” So, let’s look at what I’m saying and how this applies to counselors.
A client come into your office with a very low countenance. As you begin to speak with them their appearance begins to change. They become more agitated or aroused as they speak about their situation. You lean in to show that you’re listening. A dialogue begins to form between the two of you. While doing this, you notice a change coming over your client. It’s a sense of relief and ease, gradually you can begin to feel a shift in the room. Your client that was once carrying a spirit of heaviness and weight, change to a more candor spirit. You see this is you speaking to the spirit of an individual. That negative energy that was once there is now filled with a sense of peace and control. You see, the client was over taken by their fault, issues or situation. However, due to your skill as a counselor and spiritual connection, you were able to restore them through meekness, which is patience and empathy. So where did all that negative energy go? Your client is restored, and you are now feeling drained, tired, and simply feeling a way that words can’t explain. What happened? Well at this point you have allowed your brethren fault to overtake you as the good book read in Galatians.
My Next Move
Well now that your feeling this crappy, it’s time to regroup, take a moment write out your notes, if you can process what happened in that session with another colleague, do it. If that is not possible, exercise. You must rid yourself from the negative energy some way. Once you do this, fill yourself up with positive energy. Take a relaxing bath, listen to your favorite music, or just take a nap. What every it takes to reenergize, do it and re-center yourself. The next day you will be ready to tackle the day, only this time you will be smarter and more aware of how to listen to your client and allow that negative energy to go out the room into someone hands that are greater than your own. Therefore, I leave you with this; Mathew 11: 28,29 Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
We are resilient, we are helpers, we are experts…we are human. As a counselor we are seen as helpers to many clients that suffers from harsh mind altering conditions; depression, anxiety, bipolar, etc. We are exposed to the hurt, pain, frustration, sometimes trauma filled experiences of our clients on a day to day bases. However, because of who we are and the resilience that we possess, we continue to do our jobs as experts in the fill of helping. We continue to take on the dark secrets of others, and the shame that has fulfilled their lives. We are excited to see the evidence of our work when finally they are able to hold their heads up high and walk out of our door. However, what happened to all the baggage that has been dumped on to us? Who will help us as we continue with the wear and tear on our own mind and bodies?
Many times as counselors, we may find ourselves watching the clock periodically throughout the day hoping that time flies by. It’s not because we dislike our job, it’s simply because we are mentally drained, and emotionally exhausted. Ultimately, the lack of focus, may cause us to miss out on important points in our client’s story. Therefore, the client is forced into a state of preparation or back into the state of contemplation. We must stop allowing ourselves to be consumed by the negative energy over time and learn another avenue of how to dispose of it. In other words we must stop the burnout before it stops us and interfere with our clients which are in our society among us desperate to be helped and saved by us.
I know we have different outlets such as conferences to attend, counselor getaways, and other counselors to talk to, but what do we do in the mean time before these events roll around. Where is our outlet? How many of us take our own advice as far as the famous “self-care.” Time and time again we take our work home with us. Many times we have that one case of the day that we can’t shake. Trying to come up with different strategies and hoping for the best for our client. Meanwhile, our mind never stops working. This is why I felt this blog is so important for us, the counselors. We can know that we need to avoid the burnout or compassion fatigue, but unless we actually take the time out for ourselves every day or every other day, burnout still wins in the end. How many times have you painted just to relax, took a warm relaxing bath with music and candles, made time to visit your good friends, played sports or watched your favorite sport live, lastly but not least have read a good book? In the book The Resilient Practitioner, Thomas Skovholt, gives a self-care action plan, speaks about resiliency, and provide a revised resiliency inventory for us to use.
As counselors we do a lot, we take on a lot, why not embrace ourselves a lot. If we don’t take care of ourselves we will not be able to adequately take care of our clients. I dare you to take care of yourself. There are different techniques and information out here in the world of counseling for us to combat burnout and compassion fatigue let’s use it and continue to be strong, confident, effective in our lives and in our client’s lives.