why do I keep running into this burning building. I know it’s hot, I know it’s dangerous, and it’s pure insanity. Every time I run in I get hurt, I feel betrayed, I lose love, I am along. At this point my mind is in a severely disordered state of mind (Merriam-Webster Dictionary). I’m lost. I keep running back into this fire because I’m trying to fill a void. I feel empty, hollow. If I turn to drugs, alcohol, or people, I can pretend for a little while that I’m secure, the void is gone, I’m not lost, I do have it together and I’m not losing control. I can’t keep running into this building. At some point it’s going to fall on me. I’m tired of these sores. I wake up, and hate I ran into the fire, it burned. It continues to burn worse each time I go in. This time it cost me my freedom, next time it may cost me my life.
I’m tired, I can’t keep running. I’m done but I don’t know how to stop running into the fire. I’m surrounded by fire; negative talk, negative actions, negative thoughts. Heck, “I can’t see the forest for the trees,” Nicholas Sparks. I can’t see the rainbow in the mist of all this rain, but I want to so bad. All I have is this little book some old man gave me on a store parking lot, The New Testament. So, I guess I’ll flip through it. Well, check this out,